Slobberknocking while wondering whatever happened to Jim Breuer:
Why are all of the infamous stoners male? Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, Doug Benson, George Clinton, Cheech & Chong, (formerly) Kevin Smith, Seth Rogan, Lil’ Wayne, Towelie… How is it we don’t have a woman leading the charge to fire up? Equal representation in impairment!
I will never understand how Oklahoma legalized weed before Texas. Ever.
I now know three former chefs who make much more money selling infused edibles than they ever did in restaurants. (And yes, their fare is impeccable.) If you think the small-batch chocolatiers are amazing, just wait until these artisans are competing on a larger scale with McDonalds.
As an Anglophile, every time I see someone post that dates like today are a numerical palindrome, it makes me crazy. In most of the world, today is 20/04/2024. This is tied to Americans’ aversion to the metric system, I just know it.
While I will not review Taylor Swift’s new album opus (for the only review you do need, hit
’s “Things to Do in the Bathroom While Playing the New Taylor Swift DOUBLE Album” —
— I am reminded of the post-Super Bowl party in Vegas where Travis Kelce offered TayTay a hit off a vape, and she almost took it then realized EVERYONE was shooting phone videos of ‘em, and batted his hand away. The woman is 34 years old, and it’s damned shameful she can’t live her life without needing to worry about the pearl clutchers around the world.
I have a story about the first time I got stoned, but now that I think about it, I realize it absolutely will make a full and wonderful Informative post. So, into the drawer it goes.
When writing, I’ll dial up a Spotify playlist of acid jazz focus music. (Trust me, it’s a thing and it’s wonderful.) Today, however, they’ve gone above and beyond in a big way:
Spotify’s playlists for “A High Quality Saturday” include “Park Hangs,” “Greener Pastures,” “floating,” “New Joints,” “Generation Verde,” “Raw & Uncut,” “slowed & reverbed,” and “Lowkey.” Well met, kids.
Finally, on this momentous day, I'm reminded of the cautionary tale of three stoners buying a horse:
They bring the horse home, keeping him in a makeshift stable in their living room.
One of the friends pulls out a bong and they all take hits until they're quite baked.
While floating along, they come up with a brilliant idea: they attach a muzzle onto the horse's feed bag, and funnel in smoke from the bong.
Eventually, they detach the muzzle when the horse's eyes get bloodshot, and he is quite visibly high.
As a consequence, the horse starts talking: "You have awakened me," the horse says in a deeply slurry voice.
The stoners, shocked, eventually reply "Whooooa, you can talk?!?" in unison. The horse proceeds to inform them that they must jerk him off, or die.
The first stoner says "Naw, bruh, I ain't like that," at which point the horse mauls him and chews his face, killing him slowly.
The second stoner tries to escape, screaming "I'd rather die than jerk off a horse!" The horse opens a nearby safe, takes out a shotgun, and unloads a shell into the second stoner's chest, causing him to slowly bleed to death.
The third stoner, in abject horror, approaches the horse and reluctantly fulfills the act to completion. The horse then spares the third stoner's life, and leaves him a diamond worth a great fortune.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should get off your high horse.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻